How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
