idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
