batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
