he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
