His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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