i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize