Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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