Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
