she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
