I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
