ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
