I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
