Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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