I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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