i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
