Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
