Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
