i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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