she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
