Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
