happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize