This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
