oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she peed on how many people?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
