he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
