I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
