I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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