slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
