he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
