There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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