And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
