I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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