What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
