My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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