.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
