R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
