what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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