With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
