I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
