you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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