Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
