This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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