if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
