I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
