Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
