what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
