the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
