Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
