Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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