This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When are your genitals available?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
