In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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