Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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