I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
