and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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