Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
