If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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