i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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