I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
