Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You've changed since you got that strap on
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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