My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
