Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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