i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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