I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
