He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
