i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even my farts smell like vagina
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
