Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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