It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
