I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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