my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
