somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize