She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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