booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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