I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
