weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
