I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
only if we run a train.
done.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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