why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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