Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
