Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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