Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
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This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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