Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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