On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize