Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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