Dual....:-)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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