I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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