the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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