i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
