I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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