if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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