If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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