2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
