my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
